Tuesday, October 2, 2012

A tribute.

Today I wanted to reflect on my beautiful mother Wilma Debree-Van Hooft. 
I did not get to know my mom like some of you know her,  I only knew her for 26 years, but in those 26 years I came to know a mother, who would do, and did do everything she could to give her children hope, Love, and a good life.  My mom for many years of my life, worked odd shifts at the NICU in the Rockyview hospital to keep her nursing licence current, but for the most part she was at home raising us, and sewing and crafting, and going to Oma's house for tea....at least thats what I think she was doing while we were at school. I know that many of my dresses, and clothes she had sewn for us. 
I remember a mom that had a temper every once in awhile, and I also remember that all she had to do was shake the jar with the wooden spoon and we would surrender our attitudes pretty quick.  I also learned once that you never tell your mother to "f" off....BAD PLAN....especially in front of your dad....I have never forgotten that, and I never told my mom to "f" off again. 
I also remember a mother who would give endless amount of hugs, mommy hugs were just a part of the day and as many as we could give she would give back.  Home made lunches and always a smile when we walked in the door.  I always felt so loved, but I was not always so great at returning that love.  When I was 18 I remember a really hard time in my life, and I was not sure where God wanted me to go, or how I was suppose to get there, and my mother and I fought all the time, and I was not nice to her at all. I decided that I needed to save our relationship and I moved to Edmonton area for a year, and that was by far the best choice I could have made.  It saved my relationship and made me realize just how much I loved my mom, and when I returned home our relationship had greatly improved.  
When you are growing up, I did not spend much time thinking about what my mom was doing I was just living my simple everyday life, and she was the one that kept our house going and that was that.  When I look back on that, my parents did everything they could to provide us kids with clothes on our backs and food in our belly's. We were never hungry, and we were never cold.  My mom the brave soul gave homeschooling her very best, but with a testy teen, my mom had her hands full with me, and I longed to have "locker" of all the things, I wanted to go to highschool to have a locker.  My mom was an excellent teacher and loved to teach.  She had a gift for it too. We learned so much in those 2 years of homeschooling, things that most normal kids didn't get a chance to do...going out to the pond to collect water samples, and learning to sew skirts with my cousins. Which my mom taught us, and I loved it. 
When I met Tom and was going to be going to Ontario for christmas, and I asked my mom what would you do if I came home with a ring on my finger and she said, well I guess we will be planning a wedding.  Tom and I had only spent 10 days together, and only a few months talking on-line.  She never once called me crazy, or said that it was a bad idea.  Why you might ask...well my mom taught me to be careful, and careful I was...I had investigated who he was, and played touch bingo and I definatly found the "BINGO".  Turns out at the international cadetaree in Kananskis I served my future hubby his speggitti dinner. She knew that would not just jump into something with out keeping my assets safe.  When Tom and I got engaged after only those 10 days together, my mom was happy, and sad all at the same time, she knew that I would fly the coop permanently at some point but Ontario is a long way from Alberta.  On the day that I moved to Ontario, I couldnt hug my mom enough, as we pulled out of the driveway I looked back and tears began to fill my eyes.  Mom said that she went to move her car just after We drove away and the country song, "There goes my life" came on....a song about a father watching his daughter grow up, and when she moves away he sings, there goes my life. She sat in the car and cried. 
For months after that, I called my mom most nights and missed her terribly, and she missed me.  Our relationship began to change into friendship and I treasure this in my heart.  through my many years of infertility mom, was that shoulder to cry on and the cheering squad too.  When mom was diagnosed the Breast cancer,  I bawled for days,  I wanted to hug my mom so bad, and I wanted to jump on a plane that moment, and never leave her again.   When a mastectomy was planned I got on a plane and left my hubby for 2 months to care for my mom, and it was so hard being away from my hubby but It was the best 2 months of my life.  I have never spent that much time with my mom, as an adult, and I learned things about her that I had never known and I exposed to her some of my secrets that I had dreaded telling her for many years. One morning while I was there I had the spirit move me and tell me that I needed to tell my mom, that I had broken a promise to her in the prior years and We watched a Nooma video, called the The Ball.  Get a chance...watch it and you will understand the significance of what my mom said to me.  Late that night, we were sitting in her car and I told her about the promise I broke and she says to me " there is nothing that you can do that would make me love you anyless....NOTHING". I began to cry, for years I had felt guilty and horrible that I had broken a promise to her.  That was wiped clean, and from that moment on, there were no secrets between  mother and daughter, and my mom and I bonded so much from that point on, I have never felt more at home in my life. Then I did in those 8 weeks with my mom.   I asked my mom if she was scared, and she told me she was terrified, of the surgery, and of the future.  My mom was in her room the day before the surgery, and I could hear her crying, and so I went in, even though she told me to stay out....when have I ever really listened when I know that she was needing a hug.  So I marched in and I climbed on her bed and held her and cried too.  After she had recovered from surgery I returned home to Ontario, and I cried the whole flight home.  I knew that the come weeks would be so hard on mom as she was going through chemo and I longed to stay to care for her those months, but I also knew that my life in Ontario needed me too. She went through chemo and I talked to her as much as she could handle and some days after talking to her, and hearing just how tired and miserable the chemo had made her I spent many a night on my knee's in tears praying that the Chemo would work and kill the cancer cells.  1 year and bit later, on November 25, 2009, we found out that IVF was sucessful and I called my mom, and said are you ready to be a "Marmie" that is what she had originally wanted to be called and that later changed to Nana.  But for 6 years my mom prayed every day who knows how many times a day that God would grant Tom and I a baby.  That day was one of the best days of my life. When I got to tell both grandmothers that they were going to be the grammy and Nana that they had so desperatly wanted to be.  Mom and I talked daily and I would tell her all about each doctor appointment and she would ask about the heart rate, and the size of the baby.   I was on cloud 9, and so was Nana-to-be. On may 27 my mom phoned me and said, Alida I have been to the doctors and I am having some tests done, they found a tumor in my colon.  On June 9,2010 after getting an ultrasound done because her blood work came back funny, we found out that she had a huge liver Tumor, and it had spread.  The tumor in the Colon was also Huge.  It was then that she was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer.  When she told me, she began to sob, and she said I am not ready to give up, I want to live, I can't give up. I was 7 months pregnant when we found out that she was dying of cancer.  We were all devastated.  On June 29ish, I flew to Calgary 36 weeks pregnant I got to Calgary and I went to my mom's house, and I walked in the door, and mom came flying around the corner and I got the biggest Hug of my life, one that I will never ever forget. I got to spend one week with my mom before I had to fly back to Ontario to have this baby.  My mom got to see me pregnant, and feel the baby move and I can't describe her face.  She was so thrilled and yet, so sad.  She had told my auntie Monique that she was not sure if she would be able to meet this baby. In her journal that we found later she wrote, I hope I get to meet this little girl. We didn't know we were having a girl till after she was out.  But my mom knew apparently.   My mom was so frusterated by the fact that to be able afford to live she had to keep working, and she did not have medical coverage till 3 months of working at her new job. That took it right till after Tori was born.  By then the cancer had spread to far.  But she was so determined to fight.  She headed to tulsa AK to get alternative treatments for cancer. DMSO treatment, and my mom is gone, but the cancer treatments were working. She developed an infection in her liver, because cancer cells were dying and not getting flushed out of her liver.  The cancer had spread to far and had destroyed to much of the liver for it to recoop.   My mom was so hopeful that God was going to heal her. We wanted to believe it, I really did. But I was watching her body shut down, and there was nothing that I could do, but know in my heart that she was loosing the battle.  I wish there was a way to desribe what a cancer patient emotionally goes through when diagnosed with a terminal cancer.  Her journal entries are spiratic but they are poinent. and you can see her battling in her mind, she knew she was dying but she was not ready to be defeated. 
My mom's character was strong and humble.  She had power to do anything she wanted to but she was very humble about it, and people enjoyed working with her, and doing bible studies with her, and she had a wonderful ability to lead, and nurture.  She did so even with facing cancer, she was dying and she was comforting me. There are many things that I wish I had done different, but she said the same.  It doesn't matter now.  There is no point in thinking about wishing things to be different then what they were, because there is no rewind button. My mom fought vailantly and although she lost the battle to cancer, she has planted the seeds in so many hearts and left a hole in many hearts too, but she is someone that you won't easily forget. 
She devoted much of her life to her children, but she also devoted much more to her Heavenly Father, she loved her God, and she wanted to learn more and lean so much more on Him in her life, and she never ceased to amaze me.  She knew that the Creator had a plan for her, none of us know the outcome in the end, but he had a plan for her. Maybe someone out there, knows more then me as to why my mom is not here, but that is not for me to know now, perhaps.  My mom is alive in my heart my heart beats because of her, and when I hear my heart beating I am reminded of her love and the Love of my heavenly father.  
Now that I have written a book about my mom, here on the blog I shall sign out, and wish all those reading my blog, blessings to you, and may you come to know the Love of Christ more everyday!

Blessings and God's Love,

Alida

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