The days in between

This past weekend was Easter, we reflected on Christ's suffering and Death, and sang Praise to Him because of His Victory over death and our sin. This weekend although the foundation of our faith, does not end our own sufferings. We still have our longings and our crazy wild emotions. I was talking to mom and she said that she really does not want to go through the last round but knows that she must, she is looking forward to it and not looking forward to it at all; a paradox.
This past weekend for me was a weekend of realizations that we still live in a very broken world, where cancer is a reality and the horrible drugs that save lives are part of this world that we know. I don't like it, who does?
The other day it was late evening here in Ontario, and I was working on the book that I am writing, and I had this over whelming feeling of sadness. I made mention of it to my husband and he asked me what I was going to do about it. So I called my mom to get her thoughts on this feeling. I told her, that I had this feeling and I asked her how she was feeling and she said that she was feeling so sad.
This being good Friday it is an emotional day and like I said it was a weekend of realizations.
What I find amazing is that me and my mom have often had feelings that come over us, about each other and we will call, and something will be in fact wrong, or something is upsetting us.
A few years ago mom was in 2 car crashes 2 days in a row, one entirely destroying the car that she was driving. The night before her crash, I told her that she was not allow to go home, we were staying with family, and I was staying but my mom was returning home. I had this feeling that this may be the last night I have with my mom. I laid awake that entire night, not knowing what the next day would hold. But as I lay there beside her on my mat, I listened to her breathing and begged God to not take my mom away from me. I kept saying "mom you can't go". But she trued reassure me that everything was going to be fine. Later that day the phone rang and I told my aunt that it was mom and she was in the Hospital, she said "don't think like that". Well sure enough it was mom and she was in fact in the Hospital, she and my cousin and other aunt had been in a horrible collision; but HALLELUJAH mom was alive!!
Mom and I have always shared a very close bond, a bond that is blood, but also our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Our Spirits know one God and although we are far apart we still share that special connection, one of grace, love and hope. I know that her struggles over the last few months have often been defeating and very discouraging, but my bond with my mom and my love for my mom and my admiration for her has grown so much.

Mom you are my hero, no matter how many tears you cry or how crappy you feel you are still my hero, my best friend, my counselor, and my mom. One day when mom was again being my counselor mom said these words and lately they have been my hope.
"Who are you going to trust? Your wild and crazy emotion or the God of all creation?"

You are my mother By God's amazing Grace, But you are my friend By choice!! Hang in there!!

Please Pray for the days in between this Round 3 and Round 4, these days are going to be some of the most emotional, fearful, joyful during journey. Mom said to me that her biggest fear of all this is that the cancer will come back and she will have to do this again, that to her at this point seems to much to handle. Please pray for peace and comfort in knowing that she is in God's Hands.

Alida, Wilma and Family