Its been two years.

Taken on June 1, 2012

 Well October 2, 2012 next week Tuesday, will mark 2 years since we lost our mom, daughter, sister, nana, and friend.  I will not say that it has gotten any easier as time has gone on.  If in fact I think about it, it has been very hard the last few months for myself, and I know for my Oma it has been hard as well, as she recently lost her second brother of 4, my Opa also had some heart issue's go on as well. I thank the Lord that Opa's heart issues were resolved and he is feeling much better. 
Aaron and Philip keep plugging along and managing life as it comes, Philip graduated this fall from Calgary Christian School and is currently working for a construction company. 
Aaron also still is a co-owner of a construction company, and "things are going". He has his furry companion Dakota to keep him company and give him a good old bear hug.  Although Dakota has had some adventures this past year, as he has escaped his fence, when gates were left open, but that is a whole other story that for some certian individual that could be held as guilty, but I will leave that right here.
This year for Tom and I have had our share of heart aches and joy's.  We began this year 2012 with the hope that would be be blessed with a second baby, but that however was lost when we lost 6 of our 7 embryo's that we had frozen.  In 2010 we had done IVF and got our beautiful daughter, Victoria in August of 2010. We had frozen embryo's from that, but however our embryo's do not like thawing and died as a result.  So we have embarked on our second journey of dealing with infertility once again.  Our hearts continue to break every month that passes but we remain hopeful, that our dream of giving Tori a sibling will be reached. 
However, we celebrated Tori's second Birthday and our 8th Wedding anniversary this August as well.  We bought a trailer this summer and we did some camping and enjoying our time with our daughter.  We are continually trying to seek God's will for our lives and our farm.

Hard to believe that it has been 2 years already, wow.  The time seems to fly by and I wondered where the heck it went.  So many times during the last 2 years I have caught myself so desperatly wanted that mommy hug, and that word of encouragement.  What we all miss most is her presence.

Tori giving Oma Debree and snuggle

Mom(Wilma) was such a huge part of her children's lives not to mention her parents lives as they have been such a help in trying times for my mom, and my mom was such a dear friend and daughter to her mom.  She played such an active roll in our lives, by her prayers, her love and her hugs.  I don't want to so much dwell however on what I don't have, because all be honest it has been consuming lately.  I miss her so much, and right now at this time in my life, it is hard to fathom that she is not here.  I want to celebrate my mom life and love that she had given to her family, friends, patients and coworkers. 
I have learned alot in the last 2 years...one....life can be a bitch sometimes.  I am not going to mince words, the truth is, that loosing someone like my mom to cancer, which seems so pointless and just robs people of life and happiness
two.............Life can be wonderful too. In those two years I have watched my daughter grow, develope and love life.  She loves to giggle and is going to be creative just like her mommy and Nana.  I have watched my brothers grow into men, they have thier struggles, but they are both wonderful Men. My mom can be proud of them.  
My mom's love of life was contagious, and knowing that I need to keep on going for her, myself and my family some how keeps me going.  I know that I will never stop missing her, there is just no way that can happen, but what I can do is Try to start loving life again. For a lot of the last two years, I have not loved life,  I have been frustrated and sad, with just circumstances with life, and I don't think I am alone in those thoughts.  Feelings of Loneliness and grief at times seem over whelming.  But we must focus on Hope, Love and Faith.  Faith can move mountians. Love can bring A smile, and Hope can renew the broken.  My mom wanted to live, but now she really is living. Living with out Cancer, living with out fear, tears or unknowns.  She chose to live in Christ, and because of that Death is conquered.  Mom lost the battle against cancer, but 2 years later she stands in Victory in the Arms of Jesus, her Lord and Saviour. 

Victoria Smelling the flowers

If I can do anything for my mom, it would be plant the seeds of Faith, Hope and Love, and God will do what God will do, after that.  Mom was the gardener that lovingly planted the seeds in the lives of people she loved, worked with, and worshiped with, prayed with.  Now we must grow, God will provide the rain to water our roots, with out it, you can not grow, God will provide the sun so you can grow.  If mom wanted anyone she knew to know something, it is that you are loved by the Creator, saved by a Saviour, and accompained by the Spirit, through all your days of your life. 

Celebrate my mom's life, and cry the tears of loss, it's ok.  We are allowed to miss her, we are allowed to wish once in while that she was still here.  But she dwells in the house of the Lord Forever!  One day I will see  that glowing red hair again, and that larger than life smile.  As Dorothy once said, she is golden....You Bet she is!!! Perfectly Golden!! 

In The Love of Christ,

Alida